Ever feel like you’re constantly thinking about everything… but never actually getting a break?

That’s the mental load. And if you’re parenting a high-needs or neurodivergent child while juggling work, home, and your own emotions, it might feel like it’s crushing you.

What exactly Is Mental Load?

Mental load is the invisible, ongoing mental work of managing a household, family, and life.
It’s not the actual chores as much as it’s the thinking about the chores: the planning, remembering, anticipating, and worrying that nobody else sees, but that your brain never stops doing.

It’s the “who needs what, when, and how?” running on repeat in your head.
It’s “remember to pick up snacks for school,” “schedule therapy appointments,” “make sure homework is done,” all while trying to keep your own work and mental health afloat.

Even when tasks are shared, someone still carries the mental weight of it all, and that someone is often you.

Common Signs You’re Carrying Too Much Mental Load

You’re the default reminder system for everyone else’s lives.
You plan meals, grocery lists, and remember who currently hates chicken nuggets.
You coordinate doctor visits, extracurriculars, and medication schedules.
You’re the emotional thermostat, always anticipating meltdowns, preparing scripts for tough moments, holding everyone’s feelings.
Even when you finally sit down, your brain keeps spinning.

This kind of invisible labor is exhausting because it’s constant and unseen. And for parents of complex kids, it can feel like your mental bandwidth never resets.

Why It Matters

Carrying the mental load without support doesn’t just lead to exhaustion, it creates chronic stress, burnout, and a sense that you’re failing no matter how hard you try.

The truth? You’re not failing. You’re carrying too much. And no one person is meant to hold it all alone.

Lightening the Mental Load (Even Just a Little)

Let’s be real—you can’t just drop the mental load. Life doesn’t stop needing you. But you can make it lighter, more visible, and less lonely.

Here are a few small but powerful places to start:

1. Write It Down (So It’s Not Just in Your Head)

When everything lives in your brain, it feels endless.
Try a brain dump. Make a list everything you’re holding: appointments, reminders, worries and other tasks running through your brain. It is not a to-do list so much as you are, making the invisible visible. Sometimes just seeing it helps you breathe again.

2. Hand Off the Thinking, Not Just the Doing

If you have a partner or co-parent, ask them to fully own one area, like meals or school communication.
Ownership means they plan it, remember it, and follow through.
You don’t have to be the manager of it anymore.

3. Lower the Mental Tabs

Your brain is like a browser with 37 tabs open. You can’t close them all, but maybe you can close a few.
Ask yourself: What can wait? What actually doesn’t need to be done today? Give yourself permission to not hold everything right now.

4. Use Small Systems to Save Energy

Little systems can create big relief:

Set recurring reminders for appointments.
Use grocery delivery or meal kits.
Have a shared family calendar.
Pre-pack bags or the car the night before.

These aren’t about perfection but, they’re about protecting your mental space.

5. Check In with Your Body

When your brain is overloaded, your body often tells the truth first like with, tight shoulders, headaches, irritability.
Take 60 seconds to breathe, stretch, or sip water before jumping to the next thing.
It’s not indulgent it’s vital to keep going.

If this hit home:
You’re not alone in feeling this way. Many of the parents I work with are incredible, capable, and utterly drained because their minds never turn off.

Therapy can help you untangle what’s yours to hold—and what you can finally set down.

Learn more

The Hidden Weight You’re Carrying: Understanding Mental Load